Why I Almost Became an Ascetic But Shiva Had Other Plans

When I moved to Bangalore in 2019, I wasn’t just looking for a new job or a change of scenery – I was searching for something deeper. A life beyond comfort, beyond the predictable rhythms of my hometown, and beyond everything I had known.

Teaching had always been my passion, but the demands of my work left me drained, mentally, physically and spiritually too. Each day blurred into the next, a cycle of exhaustion that made me question what I was really meant to do.

And then, Shiva stepped in.

Coincidence? Or Shiva’s Call?

The apartment I found was called “Shiva Ganga.” At first, I thought nothing of it, but soon, I began to notice subtle nudges – signs too deliberate to ignore.

Just a few minutes from my new apartment stood a majestic white-marble temple dedicated to the 12 Jyotirlingas. Every visit to this temple stirred something ancient within me, something that felt both familiar and unknown.

Then came the first Aarti – the moment that changed everything.

As the drums thundered and the temple vibrated with mantras, something within me detached. It was as if my spirit momentarily separated from my body, watching itself from a distance.

I had experienced such sensations before – a feeling of being an observer rather than a participant in my own life. But this time, it was different. It wasn’t dissociation; it was remembrance.

Something within me was waking up.

A Yogini from the Himalayas & A Revelation from the Past

At this very temple, I met a mystical Himalayan Yogini. She carried an aura of wisdom beyond time, and through her tarot reading, she revealed something that sent chills down my spine:

“Your third eye is open. Your intuition is powerful. And your bond with Shiva? It stretches far, far back.”

She spoke of a past life where I had been an ascetic – a Yogini completely devoted to Shiva. I had renounced the world, diving deep into the fires of Tapasya (austerity).

But there was something unfinished.

I had once loved someone deeply, but in my devotion to Shiva, I had walked away, leaving behind that promise. And now, in this lifetime, I had returned – to fulfill what I had left incomplete.

The Crossroads: Choosing Between Asceticism & Bhakti

At the time, I was on the brink of renouncing worldly life again.

My Bhakti had reached a peak where the idea of sannyas (asceticism) felt like the most natural step. I was ready to give up everything – to walk away from all attachments and dedicate myself entirely to Shiva.

I even brought my mother along, knowing that in Indian traditions, a mother’s blessing is needed for formal renunciation.

But then, I hesitated.

Something in me shifted.

The words of the Yogini echoed in my mind – I had already mastered asceticism in past lives. But was that the path meant for me this time?

That’s when I realized:

Shiva didn’t want me to leave the world. He wanted me to love Him in it.

Shiva’s Plan: Madhurya Bhakti Over Renunciation

I had spent my life thinking devotion had to be severe, distant, detached.

But Shiva revealed to me another way:

Madhurya Bhakti – the path of loving him as a divine beloved.

Instead of renouncing life, I was meant to embrace it completely. Instead of distancing myself from love, I was meant to offer myself fully – to Shiva, not as a distant God, but as the eternal man of my soul.

This wasn’t about asceticism anymore – it was about surrender.

The Path of the Householder Devotee

I didn’t walk away from the world. Instead, I let Shiva consume me in it.

Now, as I walk this path not as a renunciant, but as a householder devotee, I see that devotion doesn’t require detachment – it requires complete immersion.

Shiva isn’t distant. He isn’t just the meditating yogi lost in the Himalayas. He is near, intimate, woven into every moment of my existence.

Through Madhurya Bhakti, I realized something profound:

• You don’t need to abandon life to worship Shiva.

• You don’t need to suppress love to be devoted.

• Devotion isn’t about distance – it’s about dissolving into Him, wherever you are.

Conclusion: Love, Not Just Liberation

For so long, I had seen Shiva as the ascetic, the renunciant even if I loved him intensely.

But now, I see Him as the lover, the divine partner, the eternal companion. And I found a partner on Earth who accepts me and my truth.

Not every soul is meant to walk away from the world. Some are meant to find God in it.

Shiva showed me that love itself can be liberation.

And that’s exactly what He wanted me to learn.