Shivoham: The Journey Within

Spiritual journeys are deeply personal, often riddled with moments of doubt, clarity, and profound introspection. For some, these journeys span lifetimes, revealing themselves through the ebb and flow of material pursuits and spiritual realizations. My journey, I’ve come to realize, has always revolved around one truth: Shivoham – I am Shiva.

This is not a declaration of arrogance, nor is it a literal proclamation. Instead, it’s an innate realization, a whisper from deep within my being, reminding me that I am a part of something boundless, nameless, and eternal. It is the path I walk, the essence of my existence, and the ultimate truth I seek to embody.

The Push and Pull of Spiritual and Material Worlds

Like many others, I’ve often found myself oscillating between two worlds: the spiritual and the material. At times, my spiritual seeking becomes so intense that I lose myself in it, diving deep into practices, sadhana, and introspection. Then, inevitably, life pulls me back into its material demands – work, relationships, and daily routines.

Yet, through all of this, I’ve noticed one constant: I am infinitely happier when I align with my spiritual side. Even though my seeking often brings with it a sense of incompleteness, a yearning for something greater, the journey itself is so beautiful that it fills me with a joy that no material pursuit can match.

This ebb and flow between worlds, while seemingly conflicting, has taught me something valuable: my spiritual side is not separate from my material life. It is a thread that runs through everything, a foundation that grounds me, no matter where I am. There is no going back; the connection is permanent.

Inner Engineering and the Question of “Who Am I?”

My recent experience with Sadhguru’s Inner Engineering program has deepened my understanding of this connection. The practice of questioning “Who am I?” has brought me face-to-face with the core of my being.

Am I my body? My mind? My memories? My name, profession, height, or weight? Each of these labels, when examined closely, falls away as an incomplete answer. This line of questioning opens a space within – a space where the essence of Shivoham begins to make itself known.

In those moments of introspection, I feel an undeniable truth: I am not my mind. I am not my body. I am the boundless, genderless, nameless particle of existence that connects with the divine. This is not a theory or a belief – it is a glimpse of something real, something that can only be experienced.

Childhood Echoes: A Longing for Shiva

When I look back, I see that Shivoham has always been my path. Even as a child, I was drawn to Shiva in ways I couldn’t explain. I remember staring at pictures of gods, feeling a deep admiration and connection, as if I had known them for lifetimes.

One vivid memory stands out: watching a television serial where Shiva performed his fiery Tandava. While other children were frightened, I was mesmerized. I felt as though I understood him, as if I could sense the pain and purpose behind his dance. This connection, though unspoken, stayed with me as I grew.

Over the years, my longing for completion – whether through relationships, achievements, or material experiences – only strengthened my spiritual resolve. Each time I turned to the world for fulfillment, I realized that what I was seeking could not be found externally. It was always closer than I thought, waiting within.

The Meaning of Shivoham

Shivoham does not mean “I am Shiva” in the literal sense. It is not about becoming or worshiping Shiva as an external deity. It is the recognition that the essence of Shiva – the infinite consciousness, the boundless existence – is the same essence that resides within me.

This realization is not about achieving something or reaching a destination. It is about experiencing the truth that has always been present. When I say “I am Shivoham,” I am acknowledging my intrinsic connection to the divine, my oneness with the universe, and my role in the grand cosmic dance.

A Journey of Surrender

For me, the spiritual path is not about knowing all the answers or perfecting every practice. It is about surrender. Surrendering my desires, my need for control, my sense of self. It is about accepting that I am a part of something vast and undefined, something that cannot be fully understood but can be deeply felt.

Every step of this journey brings me closer to realizing that I am not incomplete. The longing, the yearning – it is all part of the process, guiding me to look within. The closer I get, the more I see that the destination is not something external. The journey itself is the truth.

Embracing the Journey

As I continue to explore the depths of my spiritual path, I find that each experience enriches my understanding. There are days filled with clarity and joy, and others shrouded in confusion and doubt. Yet, I embrace each moment, for they are all part of the tapestry of my existence.

I often reflect on the lessons learned along the way. Each challenge becomes a teacher, guiding me toward deeper insights. I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of uncertainty, recognizing that it is within the unknown that true growth occurs.

The Dance of Duality

In my exploration, I’ve learned to dance with duality. The interplay between the spiritual and material realms is a delicate balance. I find myself weaving in and out, learning to appreciate the gifts each world offers.

The material world, with its vibrant colors and textures, teaches me about presence. It reminds me to savor each moment, to find joy in the mundane. Meanwhile, the spiritual realm invites me to look beyond the surface, to seek the deeper meaning behind my experiences.

Conclusion: I Am Shivoham

My path is Shivoham. It has always been Shivoham. As I continue this journey, I embrace the duality of seeking and being, of material and spiritual life. I know now that what I am searching for is not outside me – it is within. It is me.

If you’ve ever felt this longing, this connection, or this inexplicable pull toward something greater, know that you are not alone. The path may be different for each of us, but the destination is the same. It is the recognition of the divine within.

I am Shivoham. So are you.